Blood Bowl player profile

Spike Magazine – Rookies to watch out for:

Park Beach Pirates – Katrina Fossie

Rookie Katrina is likely to make an impact in the League this season for a number of reasons. The Park Beach Pirates’ big hitting centre, the female (as far as we know, although in truth no one has been brave enough to ask or investigate) ogre has an interesting story as to how she became a rookie for the Pirates.

Born into a tribe (but quickly to become an orphan, rumour has it she was a hungry child) in the middle of Tassymania, an island in the far south, it just happened that Dr. Davud Goodawl and his partner Dr. Diann Fossie were conducting a ground breaking study on the ogres. Their hypothesis was that the ogre were not a savage species per se and that they could, with socialisation training, live in harmony with humans. Research was bought to a sudden halt when a dinner invitation from the human researchers fell foul to a misunderstanding as to what exactly was on the menu! The phrase ‘the research team will provide all the food’ was fairly ambiguous to an ogre after all.

Dr. Fossie was one of the few on the research team to escape and she took the young ogre with her. Later Fossie named the female ogre Katrina and the young ogre grew up by the waves on the family beach. She became fascinated by the Cabal Vision Blood Bowl matches shown in the local drinking establishment where no one ever felt like trying to enforce the ‘no children in the bar’ rule and quickly became a big (literally) fan of the Park Beach Pirates.

Katrina’s dream was to become one of the ‘Waves’ – Park Beach Pirates cheerleading team- and on her coming of age she went to the cheerleader try out. From the outset it appeared that she was not really cut out for task at hand. One of the other hopefuls never came down from Katrina’s ‘air toss’ – well to be fair they did of course, the body was found 3km away the next day! Next a male try out was carried out with a hernia as they tried to lift Katrina above their head. However, the final nail in the coffin came when they tried to teach the teenage ogre how to spell ‘Pirates’ and after 3 hours they were still on ‘Give us a P..’

After two veteran cheer leaders did not return from giving Katrina the news that she didn’t make the cheerleading team the Head Coach, Dicky, saw the only possible solution and offered her a place on the actual team.

According to the 3 team mates who have had to retire from the game after light tackles or blocks from Katrina she is destined to make a name for herself this coming season. She narrowly avoided a GW ban after the infamous sketch (see below) of her ‘discussion’ with a ref after a friendly pre-season game. It was decreed it was impossible to tell if she was about to eat the ref or was, as claimed by the Pirates, just administrating an overly boisterous kiss to congratulate the Ref on such a good game!

Keep an eye out for her hits – coming soon to a pitch near you!

D&D night - the episode with the dirty little lies....

Dobby’s dirty little lies that is… But more of that later.

Monday’s D&D session began with our intrepid adventurers making the trip back to Phandalin from Thundertree in a jovial mood. Being in such a mood even saw them consenting to following Dobby’s ‘quick way back’ that he knew about from his misspent time in the Redbrand gang. Rather surprisingly they meandered their way back to Alderleaf Farm without meeting anything to slow them down, at one point Ronan did chase a rabbit to test how sharp his sword had got - but to no avail.

Rugged, rock strewn landscape gave way to more forgiving growing land (although it had taken a few weeks of clearing rocks and spreading dung to make it such) and the midsummer crops were doing well. Suddenly Stewie stopped and whispered, ‘Hark, what is that cacophony that drifts on the wind from yonder?’ Ronan and Dobby cast a quizzing look at each other – K’Gar came to the rescue,

“I think he wants us to listen to that awful freekin’ noise…”

Squabbling goblins are not a quiet event at any time, even when trying to keep it down as much as they can. Not for the first (or last time) Dobby was thrust forward to stealth to yonder spindly copse to, “ ‘ave a butchers lad!”

What he saw made him scurry back quickly to report. It appeared that a group of gobbos (goblins if you insist on being posh) were trying to capture a brown bear, an endeavour which had already left a couple of them in various bits on the ground and the others squabbling and fighting. They appeared to be caught in that space of being shit scared of going back and reporting that they had failed to get said bear and ‘shit a brick scared’ of actually getting the bear… Little did they know that the day was going to get worse (if being torn to bits and eaten by a bear can be Top Trumped on the ‘shit day’ scale).

Our intrepid party did what any brave, intrepid group of adventurers would do – hid in the spinney, waited for the gobbos to get the bear in the cage in the wagon, start arguing and bickering THEN they charged out and slaughtered them. Well, all of them bar one which they knocked out and then coerced back to consciousness to interrogate. Stewie, who can converse in goblin, began to talk ‘at’ the rather confused goblin. A goblin, who it must be said, was even more confused as to why this elf in a ‘dress’ seemed to be channelling his ‘breeding- mates’ very well to do (in goblin terms) very old grandma!

As Stewie seemed to be getting no-where (coupled with the fact the goblin was hog tied and unable to fight back) Dobby took it into his own hands to add the only interrogation technique he knew. Leaping forward the Halfling planted a steel toed boot into the general area of the goblin’s breeding equipment. Seconds later they had, yet again, a very unconscious goblin.

However, to give Dobby his due, the goblin was very eager to ‘spill’ when he came to – so long as the elf in the dress kept the short arsed maniac away from his nether regions… Information on Cragmaw Keep and the drow known as ‘Black Spider’ was gleaned. Meanwhile, Ronan seemed to be making friends with the captured bear, who it seemed was very appreciative of being fed goblin finger food (in a very literal sense). But gobbo meat pales in tastiness to human meat and it wasn’t long before Ronan left his hand a micro-second too long near to the bear’s mouth! Luckily the cleric was able to assist in the damage, after all a dextrous recoil had meant only a slight sever, rather than an amputation.

At this point, as the late afternoon rays of light flickered through the leaves of the nearby orchard, another half Elf joined the ‘party’. His remonstrations and questions as to why the party was on his land causing turmoil were met with general ‘haughtiness’ from Stewie – never the most socially adept person the fact he was demeaning himself to talk to a ‘half-breed’ didn’t do wonders for his mood. Then again the excellently placed stone from the farmer’s sling did nothing for his ongoing state of consciousness and Stewie hit the deck like the proverbial sack!

Dobby then (for reasons only known to himself) took it upon himself to try and shoot the farmer – and seconds later hit the deck also, courtesy of yet another mid forehead placed sling shot! K’Gar possibly sensing how this encounter was going began to parley and mentioned their plot to get rid of the Redbrands – at which point they may have well been long lost relatives and the ex-adventurer took them inside for a feed and ale. Basically – they found there is a back way into the Redbrands hideout which Dobby wasn’t privy too, but the farmer’s Halfling wife’s son had found, got some gossip on the leader and lots of ‘might be able to get support once the RBs are taken down a peg or two,’ from the old adventurer.

Full and satiated, with evening approaching, they retreated back to the Inn for some much needed rest – all apart from Dobby who, being impatient for revenge, went off to scout the ‘Sleeping Giant’ out (which if you remember is the favoured drinking place of the RBs and the place where our group hope to poison the beer – with help from Tam the Barmaid). 

Sneaky, sneaky was the plan…BANG, Bang and then looking through a window as the clouds parted to reveal the full moon beaming down on him was the actuality. Dobby nearly soiled the old britches as a hand thumped down on his shoulder,

“Well I never, Dobby me old drinking pal… You’ve got some ogre sized bollocks showing yourself back here. Good on ya mate – coming inside for a beer or two?”

Dobby glanced around to see his old drinking mate ‘Foxy’, in his usual inebriated state, “The boys are going to be happy to see you back, well most of them anyway,” he rambled as he led Dobby by the shoulder towards the tavern door! Well, caught between a rock and a hard place with a red dragon looking down from above about summed Dobby’s predicament up. Fear is a great equaliser, plus it helps when  

your opponent is three sheets to the wind! A noisy twenty seconds later and Foxy found himself looking into Death’s eyes, who shrugged his shoulder, mumbled something about it being strange because he’d actually come for the Halfling and tool the soul off. Luckily it seemed the raucous noise from the tavern had drowned the noise of the fight out and Dobby was left with yet another dilemma: the body. A dilemma which was resolved by a quick dragging of the body to the captive bear (left at the farm), a bit of amateur butchermanship and a very happy bear.  It would be fair to say that Gary (the name they had given to the captured goblin who was tied up in sight of the feeding frenzy) did not have his opinion of Dobby altered in any way!

Bursting into the sleeping quarters at the Stonehill Inn an incoherent, babbling Dobby needed a gentle pat or two from Ronan before the others could get any sense out of him. Luckily the others had sourced some belladonna from Garaele at the shrine (what exactly Stewie did to get this is not clear, and what happens in the shrine, stays in the shrine) and arranged a meeting with the barmaid from the Sleeping Giant over breakfast – it seemed that their plan would have to move forward a few days.

Breaking the fast came and Tam (the barmaid) was seen skulking in the corner, Stewie called her over, trying not to cause attention to be cast their way… Unfortunately the only interaction he normally has with the ‘staff’ was conducted in a bellow. The whole early morning clientele turned to watch as he shouted,

“Yonder wench, salutations, come hither and while you are coming an extra slice or two of that bacon is required – make it speedy!”

It seemed the RBs were in a frenzy, trying to find someone who had killed and apparently eaten one of their own last night! They were out looking in force. So plans were made for the party to sneak down late afternoon and spike the ale kegs… Tam was too scared to do it but promised to leave the back door to the main bar open. No-one noticed (apart from Stewie who put it down to some human courtship display he didn’t understand) that on the way out she leant down and whispered something to Dobby, something that made the wee bit of colour he did have drain from his face and the four bacon rolls he had consumed make a daring (but in the end, due to a good swallow, unsuccessful) rush back up to freedom.

Late afternoon came and our lads had stayed out the way of the roaming groups of Redbrands looking for what they thought must be an ogre. Dobby was hiding under a blanket in the corner and persuaded the others that it would not be safe for him to go. It was also (due to it being a stealth mission) deemed unsuitable for the armour clad dwarf – although somewhat surprisingly being thought suitable for Stewie and the kill deprived Ronan!

Lucky not to draw attention to themselves when confronted by a couple of Redbrands on the way (although Ronan was a bit happier after the altercation) they stopped at the back door and peered in… All was as the barmaid promised, the kegs lay on the empty bar. So our intrepid duo sneaked through the door… Setting off the net trap! Luckily their reactions were quicker and they leapt out the way, just as three doors opened and Redbrands came rushing out.

There was only one course of action to be considered – RUN and run they did. Ronan heading back to the Inn and Stewie ran towards Gilmore’s Glorious Gifts. Bursting into the shop, wide eyed, cloak billowing behind him, Stewie shouted something and disappeared into the back room… Seconds later the shop door burst open again and a rather puffed out, but being a large group also feeling brave, Redbrand shouted,

“Old man… where’s the elf in the dress, give him to…” Stewie wondered why the gang member had stopped mid shout, maybe it was something to do with that CRACKKKkkkk and blinding flash of light.

K’Gar heard the tavern door open and Ronan shouting, followed by him bursting up the stairs and pointing over his shoulder as he rushed for his bow that was in the corner. A ruckus occurred after which it was debatable if their deposit would cover the damage cost but 6 ruffians had been killed – unfortunately one had escaped (by using a pal as an arrow shield) and was last seen by Stewie (who was running back from Victor’s shop) heading up to the manor.

Following a quick dissection of what had happened and why they had been betrayed by the barmaid who seemed so eager help them Stewie remembered the odd conversation that Tam had had with Dobby. It was at this point (after a little bit of persuasion) that the dirty little lies came out!

What she had said to make Dobby nearly lose his brekky was,

“You really don’t remember me do you, you pig… You promised you’d call on me after you had taken my flower, you promised… And you didn’t.”

Now it had at that second clicked as to why the Redbrands had been trying to kill him, Tam was the Sergeant at Arms (as he liked to be known) daughter. Dobby had the horrible feeling she may be up the duff!

Furious that this information may have had bearing on their plans recriminations were only halted by the fact that a loud horn was heard. It was decided they had better make their way to the Miner’s Exchange where perhaps they could get some support for what appeared to be the upcoming fight. Making a concerted effort to get there quickly they were stopped half way as they were surrounded by 12 Redbrands and the ‘Sergeant at Arms’…

“Arrrr Dobby me little pal… I’ve heard you’ve come to make things good. Well the only thing that will make things ‘good’ is your todger roasting on a stick on the fire…”

Three sets of eyes glared at Dobby, who smiled meekily and shrugged his shoulders…

30 years ago...

I bought and played Blood Bowl a LOT.
                                                                                                                             

How could I not? In 1986 I was into games and heavily into playing and watching Gridiron (American Football) so it seemed like a match made in heaven. Probably the first non 'realistic' football game of any sort (Troll Ball was never really a proper game - just an offshoot of Runequest - which we played a lot) and was good, good fun. 

Moving to Aussie land and having on tap dry skateparks and surf on the doorstep stopped ALL gaming for many a year. Moving back here eventually saw me trying to play in the local games club league, but alas I was not up with the power creep and tended to get wellied every game no matter what 'help' was put into place. SO I moved on... Dreadball, Kaos Ball, Guild Ball and every other ball inbetween (including a few of my own published rugby and football games). 

But then damned GW specialist games dept wanted to make money and bought it back... And obviously sucked me straight back in...

Only the one game I said, easy to put together and play I said - nothing to obsess about I said... The writing was on the wall of the stadium and wasn't coming off...

Looks pretty though and is all you need to get into it in one hit at a league level (so long as someone buys the 'season book' with the league rules .... Ooops did that too). Orcs and Humans included with pretty plastic rulers and templates this time - certainly the 'shiney' factor is there in force.

So the weekend came and there was an event live from GW HQ live on Twitch... May as well watch a game I said, oooo may as well pick up the free App for the Ipad I said, may as well get the add on rules and season bundle for the App I said. May as well spend most of the weekend giggling away to the games commentary it seems!

I have always liked a slightly chaotic, spur of the moment, high risk taking kind of team, who can hurl the long bomb and do the glitzy runs. Neither the Humans or the Orcs or the Skavens are really suited (maybe the rats who knows) but Wood Elves seemed to be (also a good excuse to have a female called Tauriel surely). BUT wood elves are not to be found unless one parts with 188 quid on a 1998 set of casts - mmmmm maybe not. But the seed was there and about to grow into major oaken obsessions. Only one thing for it - full scale conversions!  Scouring the GW site (as I may as well make sure they are GW in case I ever need to play in a comp) there was not really looking like anything suitable. UNTIL....

Yep Sylvaneth dryads popped up, enough in a starter set for a good converted team I said, quite cheap really I said... Oh how weak !

So I will keep you up to date with the progress of the conversions. I have decided to take my time with these and try and make each player different. Wish me luck, hopefully I will still like the game !

Onto Phandalin and beyond... D&D part II

Monday night saw our second D&D session take place - for those too lazy to read the previous post the intrepid party consists of:

Stewie (a High Elf Mage) 

Stewie is everything you would expect from a High Elf adept of the arcane arts who :

• Has never been out of the 'University' campus (since he went there as a youngster) for longer than about 5 minutes at a time and then only in search of a new strain of tea from the Twinningle shop on the corner. 
• Socialises mainly with, himself and one or two other 'profs' in the Department of Theoretical Magic - apart from when forced to address the wizard apprentices by the threat of having his tea with-held...
• Sees the outside world, and anyone in it, as either - an embarrassment to Elven kind, an annoyance, a real annoyance, someone to do mundane stuff for him, someone to make tea and usually all of the above at once!
• Has been sent out to learn more about the world - or as  it is widely believed - to get him out the way for a bit.

K'Gar (a Dwarf Cleric) 

K'Gar is a complex character in a way - in that way that is hard to intertwine his clerical beliefs with a nagging desire to - well how shall we put this... Kill stuff, so long as it is evil that is. However, the problem that people come across is that they do not actually know what the slightly grumpy dwarf thinks of as evil !

Apparently at the moment he wants to meet up with his cousins to check on their well being... or if they have the money he lent them out of the temple restoration fund !

Dobby (a Halfling rogue)

Apparently named after his mother's favourite book character Dobby had a long and hard 60 years childhood. Always being at the end of everyone's jokes took its toll and in adolescent years he fell into various gangs. Alas he didn't find life much easier and eventually even fell foul of the leader of the gang... Humiliation and his attempted murder followed and he fled... Only to plot his return and his revenge.

Ronan (a human sell-sword/fighter)

Few things in life are as important to Ronan as fighting, well, maybe wealth, certainly ale, possibly women and most definitely his sharpening stone. But, I think the reader gets the idea. 

Brought up in the slums of Neverwinter he fought his way out of poverty but is immensely proud of his humble origins - and not very tolerant of those who aren't.

As the astute reader can tell the group are a perfect match for each other - so long as the dating algorithm that came up with this also states Donald and Hillary are a match up made in heaven with a long and happy married life stretching ahead of them!

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On their way to Phandalin (to deliver some supplies) the group had already fought a goblin horde (sort of) rescued a man called Sildar who has a secret handshake (or a twitch - they don't know which at this point) and are heading to Phandalin with a certain amount of confidence, and dare one imply, cockiness.    

First off was a stop at Gimore's Glorious Goods where they dropped off their cargo, discovered it's not a good idea to let Stewie talk to people (after he inadvertently appeared to make a date with Victor Gilmore), K'Gar found out some useful information, Ronan sharpened his sword in the corner (whether this is menacing or creepy is something the jury is still out on) and Dobby almost got caught shoplifting and showed his kleptomaniac tendencies. 

The rest of the day seemed to involve information gathering by various means and Dobby almost getting recognised a few times. After discovering their patron (Gundren Rockseeker) had been taken to Cragmar Castle by the goblins and there was  druid living out in some ruins a day's ride north-east would know where it was the group decided to head off to ask him. Not before being roped into promising to  rid the town of the Redbrand gang of thugs (complete with required mysterious leader) and get some information from a local Banshee called Agatha (who was Stewie assured them not going to be a real banshee but more of a hag - the group were pretty sure he was unaware of what either of these actually were). Highlight of the parties first night there were the bar-maid and party trying to explain to the elf how a  'sexual affair' actually worked... he has had a sheltered life!

Agatha did indeed turn out to be a Banshee - one however, who was actually beguiled by the party (apart from Ronan who was champing at the bit to kill it) and gave them the information they needed. They did however not really believe in themselves and made a hasty retreat without searching her cave... Never mind eh chaps?

Next stop was the old ruins and the search for the Druid. Not even the hand written 'Dangerous fiends - keep out' which Stewie argued grammatically meant that only 'dangerous fiends' had to keep out, stopped them. Well actually they sent the Halfling ahead to find out what was in the ruined keep and tower. About thirty seconds later he was hurtling out as fast as his little legs could carry him, followed by a herd of zombies...

Well Ronan and K'Gar don't have to be asked twice, let alone thrice, and it was on! There were rather more than they anticipated and there were a few hairy moments in the combat. But good old bludgeoning and a few spells ensued 

and eventually they were all dispatched. Having done the business the party were sure there must be something of value around and yet again sent the halfing in to have a look in the ruined tower, even if it did half two half eaten giant spiders hanging down the side of it!

Creeping up the overgrown, spiral, stone steps Dobby reached a locked door, silently picking the lock he pushed the door ajar to see a... sleeping, young Green Dragon. 

Dobby (after nearly soiling his breaches - and that was Rhys) slammed the door shut and started to run... Yep that was right dear reader SLAMMED - numerous shouts and kicks at him resounded as he had to make a stealth check to see if the baby waby dragon was awakened. A 1 was rolled - yep it really was a SLAM. Then inspiration hit (literally in this case as the gold choccy inspiration coin was hurled across the table) and a reroll was made, this time an 18. 

SO REWIND.... Dobby saw the sleeping dragon, panic ensued, he shoved the door shut but luckily the dust and grime from a hundred years softened the impact and he set off almost noiselessly - after all the dragon was full of giant spider and needed to catch up on a few days sleep. 

Greed and adrenalin fought a battle with common sense and for once common sense was the victor and the party decided to withdraw and not take on the dragon (how they persuaded Ronan is a matter of privacy - what happens in the dragon's tower stays in the dragon's tower broh).

Hiding in the wood they were contacted by an aging druid who wished to warn them about the dragon and zombies! It appeared Reinorth the druid seemed to have been on a two year search for the perfect herbal crop! So, as they found, talking to him and understanding the answer was a matter which required a lot of patience. In the end they did get to location of Cragmaw Castle out of him and also found out he was hanging around as the dragon had used his 'best crop ever' as nesting material and he was waiting to find a way of getting it back. Now, this 'erb could have just been the stuff the party needed to lace the Redbrand's ale with - but alas we will not find out as they bid him farewell and headed back to Phandalin.

So all in all a good night (or week in their case) was had, lots achieved, some opportunities missed but hey they have some good plans up their sleevies... Until next time, roll well and don't let the goblins bite! 

Worlds Collide...

Two gamer friends (and sprog) collide with two non gamer friends for a game of Dungeons of Dragons (my first DMing since 1978) ; what could possibly go wrong?

Well, actually nothing... shock horror.

All the pressure was taken off the players (even Shaun and Steve had not played for a long, long time) by using the starter set pre-generated characters. Useful as they have all the info, including background, likes, oddities that they needed to play their characters. Possibly not as much fun as designing a character ground up but is brilliant for the intro to the game and the backgrounds include things that are going to impact in the campaign.

So we had Steve as a stuck up elven wizard who is resentful as he has been sent outside of the 'university' and has to actually have indulge in social interaction which doesn't include, 'Bring me some tea boy' ; Shaun as a dwarf cleric with an attitude, Craig as a human 'royal' who is learning to be a fighter to impress his dad, Rhys who is using a Halfling Rogue with a dark secret and my neighbour Ayer who was Ronan the human commoner who is good with a sword (which he liked to sharpen far, far too much) and a longbow.

Role playing for me is all about the role playing. I get bored easily when the action is, 'it moves over there', 'I hit the monster', 'it takes 4 damage, your go xxx' and especially the 'it dies' ending to the combat. I want voices, conversation and narrative description to the action. Sometimes it takes a while for people to embrace it but I haven't found anyone who hasn't yet. Also the action should flow with as little time looking up stuff and working stuff out as possible, I never have been a rules lawyer and getting flow is far more important to me in a rpg setting. I would like to think that this helps new players as they can concentrate on what the characters are doing and not how the rules are letting them do it.

Taverns (without any brawls disappointingly), roads, wolves and traps latter the party were ready to face their first real challenge - rescuing their benefactor from a lair of goblins, led by a bugbear called Klarg. By now they were pretty cocky having seen off some goblins and wolves pretty easily. In fact it all started well - a kennel full of wolves were dispatched (yes, yes I know - they could have befriended/tamed one etc but hey, they are newbies and getting their head around that in this universe, at least, they can go around killing people who piss them off !) and the dwarf even noticed a secret passage - while the magic user was trying to figure out what time period and by whom the door was made by!

Anyway, the back passage led up to Klargs main chamber (avoiding 98% of the rest of the dungeon) and for once the party tried talking to the bugbear. Might have been a mistake letting a stuck up, verbose, elven magic user try and negotiate a trade BUT hey, live and learn (Steve rolling a 2 probably didn't help). So it was on, bugbear, pet wolf and 4 goblins versus the party! Cockiness and enthusiasm evaporated when suddenly the wolf ripped out a chunk of Dave the fighter's throat, an archer took Stewie the elf down to near death and the others managed to miss and take wounds for the first time in the night!

Cleric heal spell latter and Dave was on his feet and swiping at the wolf - who was now incensed with Dobbi the Halfling who had speared him up the butt ! Swinging an axe near to a friend after just being bought back from near death proved near fatal (apart from a save roll) for Dobbi as he just managed to jump out the way of the wild (rolled a 1) miss !

But, eventually equilibrium in the party force was restored and they managed to pop off the goblin and bugbear. Now, it didn't seem to occur to the party that although they couldn't see around the massive corner next to the underground lake that there might be more gobbos awaiting the chance to get them! So they settled down for a rest and in Ayers case, a sword sharpen (pretty sure it's a euphemism) only to be disturbed by a shrieking voice getting closer "boss, boss, boss... somethings killed the wolves!"

Shock followed by inspiration ensued but let's summarise is thus...

• Stewie, as a bolt of inspiration hit dead centre, used an illusion to pretend to be the bugbear shouting at the gobbo.
• A 19 on Stews part and a 1 on the gobbo roll meant that the illusion/deception worked.
• Stew/Klarg then told the gobbo to take everyone 3 miles north into the mountains and damn well get some more wolves before he ate them all!

Yep, the story line sometimes goes unexpected...

Lair searched, companion of their benefactor found, information gleaned and a bit of treasure resulted in LEVEL 2 all round and a good close to the evening !

Hopefully I did alright, the party were brilliant and Ayer enjoyed the descriptions of his kills immensely - usually having to go off and sharpen his sword afterwards... bring on the next evening.