Saturday, 31 December 2016

Blood Bowl player profile

Spike Magazine – Rookies to watch out for:
Park Beach Pirates – Katrina Fossie

Rookie Katrina is likely to make an impact in the League this season for a number of reasons. The Park Beach Pirates’ big hitting centre, the female (as far as we know, although in truth no one has been brave enough to ask or investigate) ogre has an interesting story as to how she became a rookie for the Pirates.

Born into a tribe (but quickly to become an orphan, rumour has it she was a hungry child) in the middle of Tassymania, an island in the far south, it just happened that Dr. Davud Goodawl and his partner Dr. Diann Fossie were conducting a ground breaking study on the ogres. Their hypothesis was that the ogre were not a savage species per se and that they could, with socialisation training, live in harmony with humans. Research was bought to a sudden halt when a dinner invitation from the human researchers fell foul to a misunderstanding as to what exactly was on the menu! The phrase ‘the research team will provide all the food’ was fairly ambiguous to an ogre after all.

Dr. Fossie was one of the few on the research team to escape and she took the young ogre with her. Later Fossie named the female ogre Katrina and the young ogre grew up by the waves on the family beach. She became fascinated by the Cabal Vision Blood Bowl matches shown in the local drinking establishment where no one ever felt like trying to enforce the ‘no children in the bar’ rule and quickly became a big (literally) fan of the Park Beach Pirates.

Katrina’s dream was to become one of the ‘Waves’ – Park Beach Pirates cheerleading team- and on her coming of age she went to the cheerleader try out. From the outset it appeared that she was not really cut out for task at hand. One of the other hopefuls never came down from Katrina’s ‘air toss’ – well to be fair they did of course, the body was found 3km away the next day! Next a male try out was carried out with a hernia as they tried to lift Katrina above their head. However, the final nail in the coffin came when they tried to teach the teenage ogre how to spell ‘Pirates’ and after 3 hours they were still on ‘Give us a P..’

After two veteran cheer leaders did not return from giving Katrina the news that she didn’t make the cheerleading team the Head Coach, Dicky, saw the only possible solution and offered her a place on the actual team.

According to the 3 team mates who have had to retire from the game after light tackles or blocks from Katrina she is destined to make a name for herself this coming season. She narrowly avoided a GW ban after the infamous sketch (see below) of her ‘discussion’ with a ref after a friendly pre-season game. It was decreed it was impossible to tell if she was about to eat the ref or was, as claimed by the Pirates, just administrating an overly boisterous kiss to congratulate the Ref on such a good game!

Keep an eye out for her hits – coming soon to a pitch near you!

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