Dobby’s
dirty little lies that is… But more of that later.
Monday’s D&D session began with our
intrepid adventurers making the trip back to Phandalin from Thundertree in a
jovial mood. Being in such a mood even saw them consenting to following Dobby’s
‘quick way back’ that he knew about from his misspent time in the Redbrand
gang. Rather surprisingly they meandered their way back to Alderleaf Farm
without meeting anything to slow them down, at one point Ronan did chase a
rabbit to test how sharp his sword had got - but to no avail.
Rugged,
rock strewn landscape gave way to more forgiving growing land (although it had
taken a few weeks of clearing rocks and spreading dung to make it such) and the
midsummer crops were doing well. Suddenly Stewie stopped and whispered, ‘Hark,
what is that cacophony that drifts on the wind from yonder?’ Ronan and Dobby cast
a quizzing look at each other – K’Gar came to the rescue,
“I think he
wants us to listen to that awful freekin’ noise…”
Squabbling
goblins are not a quiet event at any time, even when trying to keep it down as
much as they can. Not for the first (or last time) Dobby was thrust forward to
stealth to yonder spindly copse to, “ ‘ave a butchers lad!”
What he saw
made him scurry back quickly to report. It appeared that a group of gobbos
(goblins if you insist on being posh) were trying to capture a brown bear, an
endeavour which had already left a couple of them in various bits on the ground
and the others squabbling and fighting. They appeared to be caught in that
space of being shit scared of going back and reporting that they had failed to
get said bear and ‘shit a brick scared’ of actually getting the bear… Little
did they know that the day was going to get worse (if being torn to bits and
eaten by a bear can be Top Trumped on
the ‘shit day’ scale).
Our
intrepid party did what any brave, intrepid group of adventurers would do – hid
in the spinney, waited for the gobbos to get the bear in the cage in the wagon,
start arguing and bickering THEN they charged out and slaughtered them. Well,
all of them bar one which they knocked out and then coerced back to
consciousness to interrogate. Stewie, who can converse in goblin, began to talk
‘at’ the rather confused goblin. A goblin, who it must be said, was even more
confused as to why this elf in a ‘dress’ seemed to be channelling his
‘breeding- mates’ very well to do (in goblin terms) very old grandma!
As Stewie
seemed to be getting no-where (coupled with the fact the goblin was hog tied
and unable to fight back) Dobby took it into his own hands to add the only
interrogation technique he knew. Leaping forward the Halfling planted a steel
toed boot into the general area of the goblin’s breeding equipment. Seconds
later they had, yet again, a very unconscious goblin.
However, to
give Dobby his due, the goblin was very eager to ‘spill’ when he came to – so
long as the elf in the dress kept the short arsed maniac away from his nether
regions… Information on Cragmaw Keep and the drow known as ‘Black Spider’ was
gleaned. Meanwhile, Ronan seemed to be making friends with the captured bear,
who it seemed was very appreciative of being fed goblin finger food (in a very
literal sense). But gobbo meat pales in tastiness to human meat and it wasn’t
long before Ronan left his hand a micro-second too long near to the bear’s
mouth! Luckily the cleric was able to assist in the damage, after all a
dextrous recoil had meant only a slight sever, rather than an amputation.
At this
point, as the late afternoon rays of light flickered through the leaves of the
nearby orchard, another half Elf joined the ‘party’. His remonstrations and
questions as to why the party was on his land causing turmoil were met with
general ‘haughtiness’ from Stewie – never the most socially adept person the
fact he was demeaning himself to talk to a ‘half-breed’ didn’t do wonders for
his mood. Then again the excellently placed stone from the farmer’s sling did
nothing for his ongoing state of consciousness and Stewie hit the deck like the
proverbial sack!
Dobby then
(for reasons only known to himself) took it upon himself to try and shoot the
farmer – and seconds later hit the deck also, courtesy of yet another mid
forehead placed sling shot! K’Gar possibly sensing how this encounter was going
began to parley and mentioned their plot to get rid of the Redbrands – at which
point they may have well been long lost relatives and the ex-adventurer took
them inside for a feed and ale. Basically – they found there is a back way into
the Redbrands hideout which Dobby wasn’t privy too, but the farmer’s Halfling wife’s
son had found, got some gossip on the leader and lots of ‘might be able to get
support once the RBs are taken down a peg or two,’ from the old adventurer.
Full and satiated,
with evening approaching, they retreated back to the Inn for some much needed
rest – all apart from Dobby who, being impatient for revenge, went off to scout
the ‘Sleeping Giant’ out (which if you remember is the favoured drinking place
of the RBs and the place where our group hope to poison the beer – with help
from Tam the Barmaid).
Sneaky, sneaky
was the plan…BANG, Bang and then looking through a window as the clouds parted
to reveal the full moon beaming down on him was the actuality. Dobby nearly
soiled the old britches as a hand thumped down on his shoulder,
“Well I
never, Dobby me old drinking pal… You’ve got some ogre sized bollocks showing
yourself back here. Good on ya mate – coming inside for a beer or two?”
Dobby
glanced around to see his old drinking mate ‘Foxy’, in his usual inebriated
state, “The boys are going to be happy to see you back, well most of them
anyway,” he rambled as he led Dobby by the shoulder towards the tavern door!
Well, caught between a rock and a hard place with a red dragon looking down
from above about summed Dobby’s predicament up. Fear is a great equaliser, plus
it helps when
your
opponent is three sheets to the wind! A noisy twenty seconds later and Foxy
found himself looking into Death’s eyes, who shrugged his shoulder, mumbled
something about it being strange because he’d actually come for the Halfling and
tool the soul off. Luckily it seemed the raucous noise from the tavern had
drowned the noise of the fight out and Dobby was left with yet another dilemma:
the body. A dilemma which was resolved by a quick dragging of the body to the
captive bear (left at the farm), a bit of amateur butchermanship and a very happy bear. It would be fair to say that Gary (the name
they had given to the captured goblin who was tied up in sight of the feeding
frenzy) did not have his opinion of Dobby altered in any way!
Bursting
into the sleeping quarters at the Stonehill Inn an incoherent, babbling Dobby
needed a gentle pat or two from Ronan before the others could get any sense out
of him. Luckily the others had sourced some belladonna from Garaele at the shrine
(what exactly Stewie did to get this is not clear, and what happens in the
shrine, stays in the shrine) and arranged a meeting with the barmaid from the
Sleeping Giant over breakfast – it seemed that their plan would have to move
forward a few days.
Breaking
the fast came and Tam (the barmaid) was seen skulking in the corner, Stewie called
her over, trying not to cause attention to be cast their way… Unfortunately the
only interaction he normally has with the ‘staff’ was conducted in a bellow. The
whole early morning clientele turned to watch as he shouted,
“Yonder
wench, salutations, come hither and while you are coming an extra slice or two
of that bacon is required – make it speedy!”
It seemed
the RBs were in a frenzy, trying to find someone who had killed and apparently
eaten one of their own last night! They were out looking in force. So plans
were made for the party to sneak down late afternoon and spike the ale kegs…
Tam was too scared to do it but promised to leave the back door to the main bar
open. No-one noticed (apart from Stewie who put it down to some human courtship
display he didn’t understand) that on the way out she leant down and whispered
something to Dobby, something that made the wee bit of colour he did have drain
from his face and the four bacon rolls he had consumed make a daring (but in
the end, due to a good swallow, unsuccessful) rush back up to freedom.
Late
afternoon came and our lads had stayed out the way of the roaming groups of Redbrands
looking for what they thought must be an ogre. Dobby was hiding under a blanket
in the corner and persuaded the others that it would not be safe for him to go.
It was also (due to it being a stealth mission) deemed unsuitable for the
armour clad dwarf – although somewhat surprisingly being thought suitable for
Stewie and the kill deprived Ronan!
Lucky not
to draw attention to themselves when confronted by a couple of Redbrands on the
way (although Ronan was a bit happier after the altercation) they stopped at
the back door and peered in… All was as the barmaid promised, the kegs lay on
the empty bar. So our intrepid duo sneaked through the door… Setting off the
net trap! Luckily their reactions were quicker and they leapt out the way, just
as three doors opened and Redbrands came rushing out.
There was
only one course of action to be considered – RUN and run they did. Ronan
heading back to the Inn and Stewie ran towards Gilmore’s Glorious Gifts. Bursting
into the shop, wide eyed, cloak billowing behind him, Stewie shouted something
and disappeared into the back room… Seconds later the shop door burst open
again and a rather puffed out, but being a large group also feeling brave,
Redbrand shouted,
“Old man…
where’s the elf in the dress, give him to…” Stewie wondered why the gang member
had stopped mid shout, maybe it was something to do with that CRACKKKkkkk and
blinding flash of light.
K’Gar heard
the tavern door open and Ronan shouting, followed by him bursting up the stairs
and pointing over his shoulder as he rushed for his bow that was in the corner.
A ruckus occurred after which it was debatable if their deposit would cover the
damage cost but 6 ruffians had been killed – unfortunately one had escaped (by
using a pal as an arrow shield) and was last seen by Stewie (who was running
back from Victor’s shop) heading up to the manor.
Following a
quick dissection of what had happened and why they had been betrayed by the
barmaid who seemed so eager help them Stewie remembered the odd conversation
that Tam had had with Dobby. It was at this point (after a little bit of persuasion)
that the dirty little lies came out!
What she
had said to make Dobby nearly lose his brekky was,
“You really
don’t remember me do you, you pig… You promised you’d call on me after you had
taken my flower, you promised… And you didn’t.”
Now it had
at that second clicked as to why the Redbrands had been trying to kill him, Tam
was the Sergeant at Arms (as he liked to be known) daughter. Dobby had the
horrible feeling she may be up the duff!
Furious
that this information may have had bearing on their plans recriminations were
only halted by the fact that a loud horn was heard. It was decided they had
better make their way to the Miner’s Exchange where perhaps they could get some
support for what appeared to be the upcoming fight. Making a concerted effort
to get there quickly they were stopped half way as they were surrounded by 12
Redbrands and the ‘Sergeant at Arms’…
“Arrrr
Dobby me little pal… I’ve heard you’ve come to make things good. Well the only
thing that will make things ‘good’ is your todger roasting on a stick on the
fire…”
Three sets
of eyes glared at Dobby, who smiled meekily and shrugged his shoulders…
No comments:
Post a Comment